safely uncomfortable

This morning I am in raw post workout joy.

Earlier, as I was sweating and aching at the gym, stretching to lift just a little bit heavier, I thought about what it means to have a practice that safely takes us into what we usually avoid.

When I teach, I always start by inviting students to take courageous risks. Think of three concentric circles, with the innermost being your comfort zone and the outermost being your unsafe zone (where you’ll cause damage to yourself or others). In between the two is the playground of “safely uncomfortable”.

At the gym, I am most often safely uncomfortable. I used to hate it for that reason - my comfort zone was a relaxing yoga class. But now I know the value of building muscle and expanding my heart’s capacity, so I joyfully go towards the discomfort - physically, mentally and emotionally. I embrace it with full consent because I know what’s on the other side - feeling damn good.

This is the same way I learned to expand my er0t¡c capacity. Through safely, willingly, and often uncomfortably, exploring territory I would otherwise shy away from. This included shame, surrender, sensation (both intense and subtle) and more. It’s a practice - cultivating the capacity to stay open, conscious and connected with new experiences moment by moment. I started small and with courage grew over the years, so that now I know the power and depth possible in intimacy. It means I can choose from desire, rather than fear. You can do it too.

After 2 years at the gym, I can lift a lot heavier than when I started. I’m not afraid of the workouts I used to run from. I know what my body is capable of, what has it feel healthy, nourished and alive. And like in the erotic, I am a big fat yes to that.